Details

Details: The author must depict what is authentic or specific so it resonates with the reader. These details are the groundwork for a specific context and are the little truths that set a three dimensional stage for the story.

Lights by Stuart Dybek
 In summer, waiting for night, we'd pose against the afterglow on corners, watching traffic cruise through the neighborhood. Sometimes, a car would go by without its headlights on and we'd all yell, Lights!
Lights! we'd keep yelling until the beams flashed on. It was usually immediate-the driver honking back thanks, or flinching embarrassed behind the steering wheel, or gunning past, and wed see his red taillights blink on.
But there were times-who knows why?-when drunk or high, stubborn, or simply lost in that glide to somewhere else, the driver just kept driving in the dark, and all down the block we'd hear yelling from doorways and storefronts, front doors, and other corners, voices winking on like fireflies: Lights! Your lights! Hey, lights.

Afterdark by Aralia Giron
We enjoy hiding ourselves beneath the hazy afternoon sky when swirling hues of blood orange and purple line the horizon. We strip ourselves free of the thick cotton sweaters that keep our bodies warm and the heavy devices that heat our pockets. We run in the direction of the falling leaves, our direction swayed by the breath of the wind and out into the darkness that begins to permeate the perimeter of the freshly cut grass. The lights above flicker precariously as if daring us to step into the realm of shadows, we mask our faces head toward the outlines of objects that cannot be seen unless touched. We stumble into the unknown, arms outstretched in front us, laughing at our blindness. The wood chips crunch beneath our exhausted soles and the earth betrays us. We fall onto our backs, feeling pinpricks on our arms and legs as we remove our blindfolds...

What Worked:
Stuart Dybek
-This piece of prose is memorable because specific events unravel themselves through intimate details
-The images symbolize a memorable truth about the characters

Aralia Giron
-Noticing details capture the essence of the experience that act as metaphors for something larger


What Didn't Work:
Stuart Dybek&Aralia Giron
-Although our specific details set up the context of the story and connect the writer and reader, we both fail to make our audience feel like they're in the presence of our subject.

Story

Story: Includes great detail of information in variety of topics or issues and blossoms with implications meaning it lives in its particulars such as the individuality of person, place, and time. A storyteller selects and arranges materials so larger meanings can emerge.

"Revelation, someone's learning something, is what transforms event into story." -Tracy Kidder in Good Prose: The Art of Nonfiction

An Unspoken Hunger by Terry Tempest Williams

"It is an unspoken hunger we deflect with knives-one avocado between us, cut nearly in half, twisted then separated from the large wooden pit. With the green fleshy boats in hand, we slice vertical strips from one end to the other. Vegetable planks. We smother the avocado with salsa, hot chilies at noon in the desert. We look at each other and smile, eating avocados with sharp silver blades, risking the blood of our tongues repeatedly."

Magnets by Aralia Giron

"We are like the defective magnets on our refrigerator-it is evident in our averted gazes that although we can coexist within a certain vicinity, we will repel one another should we come close in proximity. My spoken word is something you hear when our voices are raised and our feelings are tangled. They are so knotted that they fall in clumps when we try to smooth them out. So I stray a bit further from you and tell myself to forget how it felt to be beside you."

What worked:

Terry Tempest Williams
-Why does the Williams use avocados in particular to describe the insatiable hunger between the group? Is it because its a fruit native to Mexico and the author hints that they live in the desert? Is it because it is essential in a healthy diet? Either way, this story "blossoms with implication" and creates a deeper meaning within the frame of the short story guidelines.

Aralia Giron

-By selecting a specific event and comparing it to a object in our household, I am able to describe the tension that has become my relationship with my guardian at a certain point. Although it is not said, it is implied that we had a falling out.

What didn't work:

Terry Tempest Williams

-Although there seems to be a larger meaning within the story, it is a bit obscure of what the author is learning which is essential, that stories are written to understand certain aspects in life.

Aralia Giron
-This particular event did not occur within one day, it is an occurrence that fell into place over time, the implication of this is slighted when I write in such a way that suggests it happened all at once. Also, I do not state what was the reason behind our falling out, I only give my resolve which is relative to a specific point in time.

Dialogue

Dialogue: Dialogue reveals character and the relationship between characters. No two people speak alike and you should try to give your characters a verbal as well as a physical distinctiveness...one of the basic ways of activating your text by showing not telling. (Taken from The Creative Writing Course: http://creative-writing-course.thecraftywriter.com/writing-dialogue/ )

E-mail, Dirty Rotten from I Work At A Public Library by Gina Sheridan
A woman waved me over from the computer she was using.
Woman: Yeah, how do I make it so my dumb ex-boyfriend can't email me?
Me: I can help you with that. Are you signed into your email now?
Woman: I don't have an e-mail yet.
Me: You don't have an e-mail account?
Woman: Nope.
Me: Well, he can't e-mail you then. And if you don't sign up one, you don't have to give him the address.
Woman: That's good. That's how I want it! He's a scoundrel.

Ever the Opportunist by Aralia Giron
We're seated inside a booth at Millie's, getting ready to say what we want to order.
Mom: So, what do you want to eat mom?
Grandma: [touches picture of steak on menu]
Me: You're not supposed to eat heavy.
Grandma: [rolls eyes] Well, I touched it.
Me: [looks at mom]
Mom: And?
Grandma: I touched it, so now I have to eat it.
Me: [laughs] Grandma, it doesn't work like that.
Grandma: Who asked you?
Waiter: Are you ready to order?
Grandma: [leans in toward waiter] Do you have kids?
Waiter: No, but-
Grandma: Good. Don't have any because they'll just get in your way.

What worked:
Gina Sheridan
-The dialogue itself creates a vivid scene and immediately captures the reader's attention.
-The reader is able to relate to the librarian who is caught in a "face palm" worthy conversation.
-The reality that this recreated scene actually occurred, resonates with the reader along with the noteworthy dialogue.

Aralia Giron
-The reconstruction of this particular dialogue is accurate to the way in which it occurred. Each word is true to the sound, diction, and idioms of speech to the persons involved. 
-The featured dialogue paints a picture of each character and gives insight to their personalities.

What didn't work:
Gina Sheridan
-The story leaves the reader wondering what the woman looked like and what her age was, only haven just a small taste of her quirky personality.

Aralia Giron
-This particular scene leaves a lot up to the reader's imagination which can be good in some situations but in this situation it might confuse them.

Character

Character: "The business of a writer, in the end, is human character, human story." -Richard Preston in Story Guide by Jack Hart. 
Characters create this illusion that the people are alive on page which is an essential element in storytelling. 

Feminism by Will Baker
I am walking up a long hill toward our water tank and pond. My daughter Montana, 23 months, has decided to accompany me. It is a very warm day, so she wears only diapers, cowboy boots, and a floral print bonnet. At the outset I offer to carry her but she says, "I walk", and then, "You don't have to hold my hand daddy." This is the longest walk she has taken, without assistance. I see droplets of sweat on the bridge of her nose. Just before the water tank there is a steep pitch and loose gravel on the path, so I offer again to help. She pulls away and says, "You don't have to hold me, daddy." A moment later she slips and falls flat. A pause while she rolls into a sitting position and considers, her mouth bent down. But quickly she scrambles up and slaps at the dirty places on her knees, then looks at me sidelong with a broad grin, See?

Chocolate Shakes by Aralia Giron
I peek up at the old man walking beside, my tiny hand is cupped inside his callused palm. I think to myself, 'I'm so happy he comes all this way to pick me up from school.' 
Sometime during our journey home I become annoyed by his silence and announce,"I have to use the restroom" knowing very well that this means we'll have to take a detour in the opposite direction. He nods and changes course, stopping every once in a while to catch his breath as we head toward the Norms dinner. Why doesn't he try to make me feel better? He's supposed to make me happy, he's supposed to tell me I'm a good writer.
When I return, he's sitting on a bar stool, a chocolate shake in front of him. He sees me and pats the seat beside him. 'I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier.' I point to the drink and ask, 'Why'd you buy me that?' He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. 'I bought it for us to share and once you become a writer, I'll buy you your own, okay?' He slides it over to me. I blink away my tears and somehow the bitter taste of my day is washed away by the flavor of chocolate.


What worked:
Will Baker
-Montana is brought to life by subtle descriptions that give insight to her personality and beliefs through her dialogue and actions
-Montana is what moves the story along which essential for characters in this genre
-This recounting is told from a particular point of view correspondent to the time in which it occurred

Aralia Giron
-Through our exchanges with one another, my grandfather's personality is brought to light. His reactions hint at what type of person he is and where he stands in regards to me.

What didn't work:
Will Baker
-The author could have been a bit more present in the story. This would make his daughter stand out more clearly since in the art of characterization the main character is brought to life by actions and responses of others.

Aralia Giron
-I feel that perhaps the reader's understanding of what I am trying to get at in my story (the universal theme of being appreciate of loved ones) is slighted when I jump from scene to scene. I could have possibly added more transitions.

Scenes

Scenes: 

[The] human memory is made up of meaningful data... combine a complete image and emotion... evoke a complex feeling... writers who manipulate memory sets within the reader create an entire world that resonates with the reader's real emotion. -Tom Wolf in Story Craft by Jack Hart.

Ina nutshell, storytelling is spun out in a series of episodes almost like a scene-by-scene construction. It uses sensory context to create a stage where the story can unfold.

What You Learn In College by Karen Donley-Hayes

...the disgruntled wannabe party-goers in the hallway have pennied the door, tiny rounds of copper wedging door against frame... the clink of the bottle, the giggles and wolf calls...You listen to glass scraping against linoleum, the sound melding with the smell of stale beer and sweat and not-quite-clean laundry, the smell of slept-on sheets...

(Excerpt taken from: https://www.creativenonfiction.org/online-reading/what-you-learn-college)


Can it Get Anymore Festive? by Aralia Giron

The streets are bustling with crowds of the Glendora community, it is not a foreign occurrence to see groups of people chain-linked to one another as they slip their way through the jubilant mass. Various octaves of laughter and chatter drown out the rushing traffic of cars down the way but are no match for the blaring sound of the Christmas tracks that I know the lyrics to but don't want to sing. In every direction there are vendors parked out in front of every downtown stores, a line of expensive holiday couture awaiting me. Even more so, I can't resist stopping at every street corner that houses desserts. Who can resist the overpowering scent of freshly churned ice cream, piping hot cinnamon rolls, and the mouth watering thought of glazed gingerbread cookies? I ask myself as I stand in the midst of it all, can this get anymore festive? The answer is yes, yes it can. They just turned on the colorful flickering lights of the Christmas tree.

What Worked:
Karen Donley-Hayes
-Hayes is so descriptive in setting up the scene around her that I can clearly visualize her situation although I haven't the slightest inkling of how tight a cultivated college dorm can be.
-Through this scene, I can experience what the author has gone through. Her detailed encounter allows me to perceive the world as she does in that particular point in time.
-Hayes reveals the setting of the scene bit by bit much like a movie that transitions the scene through a variation of shots.

Aralia Giron
-The scene I described creates the specific atmosphere that can only be experienced through partaking in communal events. By recounting my own personal memory , the reader is able to stand alongside me in the moment and see what I see, hear what I hear, feel what I feel.
-By asking questions throughout my recollection, I am able to maintain the reader's attention and in a way, I feel this makes my article more interactive.

What Didn't Work:
Karen Donley-Hayes
-I feel that if Hayes would have used the "I" POV then the story would have seemed more intimate but since she adressed the reader as "you" I couldn't quite make that connection with her, To me, although I knew this was a personal recounting, I felt detached at one point in a way that made me forget that she was writing about herself. For a moment, the story was just that, a story.

Aralia Giron
-I feel my recounting fails to create a sense of character. Although it pieces together the much needed setting, I fail to include dialogue and outside influences that contributed to my overall experience.
-More so, even though my attempt at scene setting contains the require foundation, there is more than enough room left over to build upon it.

Metaphors

Metaphor: A figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable.

Tell Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe
"...He had the eye of a vulture --a pale blue eye, with a film over it. Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold...the sound increased --and what could I do? It was a low, dull, quick sound --much such a sound as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton..."




A Memory of Mother by Aralia Giron
"I grew up watching my mother through the lens of a kaleidoscope and to this very day she continues to be a mosaic of a woman constructed by what little memories I have of her.
When asked about her, she becomes a bucket of sea glass, vibrant colors thrown together just because it looks aesthetically pleasing. It is only momentarily that her sharp edges are forgotten.
I mostly know her through the words of others, through pictures captured by someone else's light of perception, she is a collage of everyone's opinions and I don't think I have a single thought of who she is that truly belongs to me."

What Worked:
Edgar Allen Poe
-Vividly illustrates what a cataract looks like by comparing it to the "eye of a vulture" and describing it as "a pale blue eye, with film over it"
-Compares the rapid beating of a heart to the sound of a watch "enveloped in cotton" which gives the impression that the heartbeat was a muffled rhythm in his ears.

Aralia Giron
-By comparing the memories of my mother to the distorted images reflected through the lens of a kaleidoscope, this hints that I do not know her as intimately as I should
-By describing my mother as a "collage of everyone's opinions", this implies that my perception of her is filtered

What Didn't Work:
Edgar Allen Poe
-The "sound a clock makes when enveloped in cotton" is a bit confusing in meaning. I can only infer that Poe is using this to describe the muffled sound of his fervent heart thudding precariously in his ears.

Aralia Giron
-When I compare my mother to a "bucket of sea glass, a variation of vibrant colors thrown together just because it's aesthetically pleasing" the reader might not know what I mean by this since it is so obscure. The point that I am trying make is that I often slight who she is because I feel like I have to protect the image of what she should be and not who she really is.

Compression

Compression: A combination of multiple incidents or situations in order to flesh out a narrative which allows the writer to build a compelling three dimensional story. -Lee Gutkind in You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Walden by Henry David Thoreau:

[8]    When first I took up my abode in the woods, that is, began to spend my nights as well as days there, which, by accident, was on Independence Day, or the Fourth of July, 1845, my house was not finished for winter, but was merely a defence against the rain, without plastering or chimney, the walls being of rough, weather-stained boards, with wide chinks, which made it cool at night. The upright white hewn studs and freshly planed door and window casings gave it a clean and airy look, especially in the morning, when its timbers were saturated with dew, so that I fancied that by noon some sweet gum would exude from them. To my imagination it retained throughout the day more or less of this auroral character, reminding me of a certain house on a mountain which I had visited a year before. This was an airy and unplastered cabin, fit to entertain a travelling god, and where a goddess might trail her garments. The winds which passed over my dwelling were such as sweep over the ridges of mountains, bearing the broken strains, or celestial parts only, of terrestrial music. The morning wind forever blows, the poem of creation is uninterrupted; but few are the ears that hear it. Olympus is but the outside of the earth everywhere.


Source Links:
https://www.creativenonfiction.org/online-reading/whats-story-2425
http://thoreau.eserver.org/walden02.html

Halcyon by Aralia Giron

As I recall the halcyon days of my youth when all was nimble and free, I remember the bittersweet taste of my childhood. Such were the days that passed in imaginative increments, time was nonexistent to my childlike mind. There was no need to know the difference between day and night, I set my own schedule. 

In the duration of this particular stage of life, I spent a majority of my afternoons in the comfort of the swaying trees. I particularly enjoyed days when the wind was a loving caress on my skin and the skies were marred with swirling shades of color much like the marbles I would collect. There wasn't a more perfect time to innovative.  I would return to my bed with the faint mark of the sun's kiss on my face.

What worked: 
(Henry David Thoreau) 
-This piece explains a moment in time that is actually an accumulation of the two years spent on Walden Pond.
-The author doesn't need to recreate dialogue and sets up the scene of his memory in a vivid manner
-The story is three dimensional and allows the reader to see the author' perspective through his use of simile, metaphor, personification.
(Aralia Giron)
-Creates a 3 dimensional story by using personification and metaphors
-Recalls various past memories and ties them all together to form one story

What didn't work:
(Thoreau)
-Switches between past and present tenses which slights reader's understanding
-Could use smoother transitions

(Giron)
-Doesn't write memory in the voice of younger self
-The story can be more specific
-Fails to focus on a certain setting