Character

Character: "The business of a writer, in the end, is human character, human story." -Richard Preston in Story Guide by Jack Hart. 
Characters create this illusion that the people are alive on page which is an essential element in storytelling. 

Feminism by Will Baker
I am walking up a long hill toward our water tank and pond. My daughter Montana, 23 months, has decided to accompany me. It is a very warm day, so she wears only diapers, cowboy boots, and a floral print bonnet. At the outset I offer to carry her but she says, "I walk", and then, "You don't have to hold my hand daddy." This is the longest walk she has taken, without assistance. I see droplets of sweat on the bridge of her nose. Just before the water tank there is a steep pitch and loose gravel on the path, so I offer again to help. She pulls away and says, "You don't have to hold me, daddy." A moment later she slips and falls flat. A pause while she rolls into a sitting position and considers, her mouth bent down. But quickly she scrambles up and slaps at the dirty places on her knees, then looks at me sidelong with a broad grin, See?

Chocolate Shakes by Aralia Giron
I peek up at the old man walking beside, my tiny hand is cupped inside his callused palm. I think to myself, 'I'm so happy he comes all this way to pick me up from school.' 
Sometime during our journey home I become annoyed by his silence and announce,"I have to use the restroom" knowing very well that this means we'll have to take a detour in the opposite direction. He nods and changes course, stopping every once in a while to catch his breath as we head toward the Norms dinner. Why doesn't he try to make me feel better? He's supposed to make me happy, he's supposed to tell me I'm a good writer.
When I return, he's sitting on a bar stool, a chocolate shake in front of him. He sees me and pats the seat beside him. 'I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier.' I point to the drink and ask, 'Why'd you buy me that?' He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. 'I bought it for us to share and once you become a writer, I'll buy you your own, okay?' He slides it over to me. I blink away my tears and somehow the bitter taste of my day is washed away by the flavor of chocolate.


What worked:
Will Baker
-Montana is brought to life by subtle descriptions that give insight to her personality and beliefs through her dialogue and actions
-Montana is what moves the story along which essential for characters in this genre
-This recounting is told from a particular point of view correspondent to the time in which it occurred

Aralia Giron
-Through our exchanges with one another, my grandfather's personality is brought to light. His reactions hint at what type of person he is and where he stands in regards to me.

What didn't work:
Will Baker
-The author could have been a bit more present in the story. This would make his daughter stand out more clearly since in the art of characterization the main character is brought to life by actions and responses of others.

Aralia Giron
-I feel that perhaps the reader's understanding of what I am trying to get at in my story (the universal theme of being appreciate of loved ones) is slighted when I jump from scene to scene. I could have possibly added more transitions.